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Published by Priyanka on

Not having your interest reciprocated on a matrimonial site can be very discouraging. However, this situation is inevitable when you are in a two-sided market. So, unfortunately, you will need to grow a thick skin to rejections if you want to participate wholeheartedly in the process. Now, once you expect to face rejections through this process, you will be less likely to be influenced by the outcome, I can assure you that.

There can be several reasons for your interest not being reciprocated:

-Photographs influence over 50% of the initial filtering (however, superficial it may seem), so in case there aren’t enough recent pictures ( or more) that clearly depict who you are in a natural setting, it may not help in building trust or kindle an interest in your prospects.

-If the profile does not have all the information that prospects are looking for, so ensure your profile is fully completed including the bits about your professional and family backgrounds, because depending on who is looking at your profile, different things matter for different people.

-If partner preferences/ filters are not accurately set up to reflect what you are looking for, you may have lesser success with matches as different people use these platforms differently. These platforms aren’t necessary very user friendly/ idiot proof in the way they’re built. For instance, I know someone who is 30, and is looking for a partner who is either his age or younger. But, his preference for partner’s age was setup as 31–34 by mistake, and so he kept rejecting many profiles since the platform indicated a lower match percentage on the profiles that came his way.

-One of the more controversial reasons would be that you may not be sending interests wisely. But it’s really hard to say this for sure without knowing more about you, or the type of people you are sending interests to. For instance, girls being 5ft wanting men who are 6ft while 6ft men wanting women who are 5′6+, end up seeing a lot of rejections. Now, I am not saying it is impossible for such a match to happen, but you’ll see far more rejections than accepts in such cases.

-Parents managing profiles may have different expectations from the person who is looking to get married, resulting in unexpected rejections. So depending on who created/ managed the profile, you may sometimes see a different outcome.

-People are free to choose who they like, and if someone didn’t choose you, it was a choice they made, and it is not a reflection of who you are.

-Most importantly, there is a fair degree of randomness in this process, so it’s a matter of time and luck sometimes, and unfortunately, this isn’t always under our control. So, when you approach the “search” bit itself dispassionately, and reserve the passion for the actual courtship and relationship, you will be far happier. 😀

Remember that the search for a partner in itself is not an end. In fact, it’s less than 1% of your relationship journey, so sometimes, reminding yourself that this is a phase, and it shall pass to open up greater opportunities in your life makes it a healthier experience.

I wish you the best, and may your relationship journey be filled with lots of joy.

This post was originally published on Quora when someone asked me why they get rejected by so many guys on matrimonial apps.