Have you ever had your heart broken, and not known why? Have you ever been stranded with a billion unanswered questions? Have you ever longed for just one cordial meeting with your ex to get some sort of closure to help you move on? Have you drifted apart from a close friend without knowing why, and you wish you could talk just once to know what ever happened?
While it seems naive to think that one meeting would set right everything that went wrong over time, it at least acts as a placebo for us to let go and move on. It’s our way of having checked these people off our lists so we never have to think about them again.
Performing last rights at a funeral is also some sort of a closure, knowing for sure that they’re gone and you can move on with life without them. I’ve always tried my best to attend funerals of people I’ve even briefly known because it helps imprint a lasting memory of them in my mind. It allows me a chance to quietly reminisce all the good times with them and selectively preserve only the best memories with them. On a less morbid note, I wish we had funerals for the death of romantic relationships too, just so we could think fondly of even the ugly times in our lives.
Love stories with abrupt endings leave us with that lingering feeling of wanting more, leading us to believe that we want something that we actually don’t. We question our feelings and decisions because they don’t get validated by the other person, and so we alternately believe both sides of the story and over time, lose sense of the truth.
These things don’t have summary meetings or final presentations before they end where everyone can ask each other clarifying questions that leave us feeling validated. Instead, we are often struggling with coming to terms with the fact that our relationship is over. We tightly grip our firsts around something that is already long gone.
It takes us years to realise that we don’t need the validation, at least not from people who didn’t care enough in the first place. But there’s always a lot of collateral damage along the way, and we always wish we’d found our closure before attempting to move on.
So my advice is, if you can’t find that closure with someone else, you better find it on your own. But remember, just because you or someone else didn’t write an ending, doesn’t mean your love story is still alive. Your story has been abandoned, but you won’t accept it. That’s why you continue longing for someone else to force an ending for you.