A client recently told me that she didn’t want to get married and the only reason she entered the market is due to parental pressure. So, she thought it was important to clarify that even though she understands that the society expects her to accommodate changes in her life, she wanted a marriage that wouldn’t alter her life even one bit – she wanted to be just as independent, go out with her friends just as often, work just as hard and contribute socially just as much.
I must confess, I slightly judged her to be unreasonable and hence, quickly jumped to give my “auntie advice” that whether she likes it or not, marriage is life altering and she has no choice but to acknowledge it, and it also had nothing to do with the society. But I realise, people don’t like to be told this. They prefer learning it the hard way.
A lot of people come into the market with a long shopping list and don’t exit the market till every one of the items is checked off. While having such a list is not such a bad thing (because choosing a partner is a fairly important decision in life), it hardly makes economic sense to believe we don’t have to make equivalent trade offs. So, the longer your list, the more trade offs you would have to make. Because love is not blind, it’s about the faults you don’t mind.
For instance, if you married for constant companionship, it may also mean having to make joint decisions for every meal even if you never did that before in your life. So, changes are inevitable and if you are not willing to accommodate them, you probably shouldn’t get married even if your parents are on your back for it.