Have you ever had your heart broken, and not known why? Have you ever been stranded by someone leaving you with a billion unanswered questions? Have you ever longed for just one cordial meeting with your ex to get some sort of closure to help you move on? Have you drifted apart from a close friend without knowing why, and you wish you could talk just once to know what ever happened?
While it seems naive to think that one meeting would set right everything that went wrong over time, it at least acts as an alibi for us to let go and move on. It’s our way of having checked these people off our lists so we never have to think about them again.
Performing last rights at a funeral is also some sort of a closure, so you can move on with life without the person who just died. I’ve always tried my best to attend funerals of people I’ve even briefly known because it helps imprint a last memory of them in my mind. It allows me a chance to quietly reminisce all the good times with them and selectively preserve only the best memories with them. On a less morbid note, I wish we had funerals for the death of romantic relationships too, just so we could think fondly of even the ugly times in our lives.
Love stories with abrupt endings leave us with that lingering feeling of wanting more, leading us to believe that we want something that we actually don’t. I remember going back ever so often to question my feelings and decisions just because it hand’t been validated by the other person and so, it was entirely up to me to believe any side I wanted, irrespective of what the truth really was.
I remember it took me so long to make peace with a broken relationship in the past. These things don’t have summary meetings or final presentations before they end where everyone can ask each other clarifying questions that leave you feeling satisfied. I had so many questions that I wanted answers for, or maybe I knew the answers but I was seeking validation? I was struggling with coming to terms with the fact that the relationship was over. I was tightly gripping my fists around something that was long gone.
It took me years to realise that I didn’t need the validation, at least not from people who didn’t care enough in the first place.
Over time, however, my memory started failing me and I couldn’t recollect enough evidence to side with the part of me that believed that I was still in love with my past. Along the way, there was a lot of collateral damage. In retrospect, I wish I’d found my closure before moving on with life.
So my advice is, if you can’t find that closure with someone else, you better find it on your own. But remember, just because you or someone else didn’t write an ending, doesn’t mean your love story is still alive. Your story has been abandoned, but you won’t accept it. That’s why you continue longing for someone else to force an ending for you.