Closures

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Have you had an ugly break up, left feeling stranded with a billion unanswered question and wanting just one cordial meeting with your ex to get some sort of a closure so you can move on? Have you drifted apart from a best friend without knowing why and wish you could talk just once to know what ever happened? While it seems naive to think that one meeting would set right everything that went wrong over time, it atleast acts as an alibi for us to let go and move on. It’s our way of having checked these people off our lists so we never think about them again.

Performing last rights at a funeral is also some sort of a closure, so you can move on with life without the person who just died. I’ve always tried my best to attend funerals of people I’ve even briefly known because it helps imprint a last memory of them in my mind. It allows me a chance to quietly reminisce all the good times with them and selectively preserve only the best memories with them. On a less morbid note, I wish we had funerals for the death of romantic relationships too, just so we could think fondly of even the ugly times in our lives.

I remember it took me so long to make peace with a broken relationship in the past since these things don’t actually have summary meetings or final presentations before they end where everyone can ask each other clarifying questions that leave you feeling satisfied. I had so many questions that I wanted answers for, or maybe I knew the answers but I was seeking validation? It took me years to realise that it didn’t matter if I had actually got that validation I was seeking because what I was struggling with was coming to terms with the fact that the relationship was over. I was tightly gripping my fists around something that was long gone. 

If love stories with abrupt endings leave us with that lingering feeling of wanting more , leading us to believe that we want something that we actually don’t, then having a closure definitely helps end relationships. I remember going back ever so often to question my feelings and decisions just because it hand’t been validated by the other person and so, it was entirely up to me to believe any side I wanted, irrespective of what the truth really was.

Over time, however, my memory started failing me and I couldn’t recollect enough evidence to side with the part of me that believed that I was still in love with my past. Along the way, there had been a lot of collateral damage and now sometimes wish I had found my closure before moving on with life. So my advice is, if you can’t find that closure with someone else, you better find it on your own. But remember, just because you or someone else didn’t write an ending, doesn’t mean your love story is still alive. But the truth is that your story has been abandoned, you won’t accept it and that’s why you continue to long for someone else to force an ending  on you. 

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