As I’ve said several times, we are the Tinder generation and the relentless swiping makes us believe we have infinite chances at great relationships and the truth is, we are far from that. In fact, my hunch is that, this is one of the many reasons why divorce rates have sky rocketed in my social circle because we believe its far easier to break ties with our partner and find another than making it work with the existing one. While its easier to break, its far tougher to find another partner and this only gets exponentially harder at every attempt. If you choose to be single vs being with someone toxic, that’s probably for the best but if you choose finding someone new over your existing partner, I’d caution you to not be fooled by stories of outliers that people tell you in support of your decision to break away. The world is a lot less empathetic and less forgiving that you imagine it to be.
Recently, I spoke to a guy in his mid-thirties who was looking for a bride and he sounded like a genuinely nice person. Towards the end of our conversation, he said he wasn’t sure if it was relevant but mentioned very matter of factly that he had been engaged briefly last year. While it was quiiiite relevant (as opposed to their glory of playing “Sugreeva’s role” in high school), I just said okay, that’s fine but make sure you mention this to the girl I’ve introduced you to at some point. I am not sure if he did or not but things didn’t work out with the girl for more trivial logistical reasons and so I suggested another girl I thought would be better suited except this girl was married briefly several years ago.
I thought he’d atleast consider talking to the girl given he’s been in a somewhat similar situation but he bluntly told me that “they” are only looking for unmarried alliances and he also went on to tell me how being engaged was very different from being married since he only broke it off due to incompatibility issues even though he knew nothing about why this girl ended her marriage. While I understood where he was coming from, I couldn’t understand where empathy had lost its way. While I should have been brooding over his hypocrisy, I was plain thankful that he atleast responded to me instead of deciding to be aghast at such a suggestion and going MIA (believe me, I’ve met people who’ve done this and I have vowed to never work with such people ever).
I have been accused in the past of introducing my clients to people within my database just because they are sitting on it rather than because someone exactly matches their requirements, but what they don’t understand is that I have no incentive to do so ( I don’t make money out of matchmaking) and if I ever introduced them to someone, its because I really wanted to since I saw some shared interest. If this wasn’t reason enough for people to look beyond things that are apparent such as being divorced, currently unemployed, fat, or not, or whatever, I doubt anyone can ever help such people. These are the sort of people who make the market such a ruthless place hardly leaving any margins for error and ensuring an illusion of a perfect match and a perfect marriage.