Everybody’s got a “But”!


You know how people say “Oh everything’s great about that person, but…”. It is this very “but” that keeps people from being in a relationship already. The “but” doesn’t necessarily take a bad connotation in every case, it’s just some sort of a hang up (positive or negative) or impediment for them to find a partner. Sometimes when people come to me looking for a bride/ groom, I am quite perplexed that someone who seems so great is still single. Soon I realise that they aren’t getting married because there’s one (or many) thing (s) or a “but” that’s preventing it. I spin this “but” off as an anchor to find them a match because this “but” seems to be such a big part of their lives that everything else seems workable if the “but” is taken care of.

For instance, I’ve a client, who after a few attempts at finding a bride concluded that he isn’t getting married because he only has a bachelor’s degree and most parents of brides in his community these days  want a groom with at least a masters. While this was the reason given to him by a couple of counter parties, he decided to make this the overarching reason for him to still be single. So, this is what I’d typically classify as a “but” – believing that the lack of a masters degree is bringing down his market value. Hence, his approach to bride hunt becomes more defensive of his lack of masters as opposed to selling his strengths.

The way I would typically get around this “but” is by matching him with someone who has clearly expressed nonchalance about the number of degrees a potential partner has and then, up-playing his strengths to make the potential bride interested in the groom. Once I have informed the guy about this girls’ nonchalance about his degrees, I have done my bit to take the “but” out of the equation. Since this is a two-sided market and a match happens only when I have taken the girl’s “but” out of the equation, in this case, I make sure I pick a girl with an insignificant “but”.

In conclusion, everyone’s got a “but” and its only a matter of time for this to grow in significance and we are all better off getting into a relationship before this happens!


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