A lot of people tell me that they want a partner they can have great conversations with but during an arranged marriage date, all they end up talking about are things like traffic woes (which is why one of them got terribly late) or work or quality of service at the coffee shop. They fall into the trap of getting into an interview mode with a long checklist that they want to tick off because meeting someone in person seems like a cue to make the final decision.
Unfortunately, sometimes, unable to manage expectations, people let go of something that has second date potential if not a lifelong commitment. A friend had once told me that a great way to start any relationship is with a one night stand. This way, you’ve the most carnal need thoroughly tested and if the person turns out to be nice, that’s just a bonus. However odd that may sound to a conservative person, the essence of his theory is that it’s always good to start with very low expectations and watch yourself be pleasantly surprised along the way.
The best way to replicate such an experience in the arranged marriage market is by getting set up on blind dates where you know very little about the other person and you meet them under extraordinary circumstances i.e. other than a coffee day just so you can get yourself out of the interview mindset and allow yourself to be surprised.
The best part of this deal is that you wouldn’t have spent several weeks or months texting each other only to break up awkwardly at the end of it (high transaction cost this is). When you’ve no expectations, you’ve nothing to lose. You only have everything to gain.