This picture above represents a typical decision making unit in Indian arranged marriages. While in most of the western world, you’d only be concerned about maximising the region “A” where as in India, we like to maximise A, B and C in the reverse order of priority. While traditional matchmaking sites like Shaadi, Matrimony, etc. focus on B and C, the new age dating apps like Tinder, TrulyMadly, etc focus on A. But there’s no player that tries to maximise all 3 regions. Fortunately or unfortunately, there’s a huge market here.
It doesn’t matter if you’re western educated, a lot of people still outsource the task of finding a potential partner to their parents (the love failure cases who suddenly become super khaandani by marriageable age) and all responsibilities come with a few rights. So, parents feel free to include their own filters like sub-sub-sub caste, horoscope matches, societal status, quantum of property in tier-1 cities and what not!
I don’t know if it’s ever possible to strike a balance between all 3 or if it’s even optimal to do so, but sometimes by maximising area under AxBxC, we get a chance to make the world smaller and warmer by welcoming a new family of people into our lives. This goes out to everyone in the decision making unit including parents.
For the longest time, I acknowledged people’s need to match sub-caste and horoscopes and was even tolerant towards it until a few weeks ago when I had one client who just rubbished my effort of trying to maximising AxBxC by providing a cold “Horoscope doesn’t match” feedback when I’d been naive enough to check for the horoscope match myself (just in case, although it’s not my forte at all!!) and finding that the match was decent.
Something snapped inside my head just like it had 2 years ago when a guy had told me he’d be interested in a caucasian blond over all of the amazing women I’d introduced him to. These episodes have gotten me thinking about my own beliefs and what I’d rather endorse as a matchmaker. There’s no formula to making matches work because there are so many subjective parameters that go into making this decision that varies depending on who you are or who your astrologer is, so who am I to intervene and say I’ve cracked it.
Over the last 3 years, I’ve absolutely enjoyed introducing people who’ve trusted my instincts based on my understanding of them and been open to learning about each other. I match based on personalities (which surely reflect one’s upbringing, family values and what not and so I really don’t need to have conversations with parents separately) and more often than not, I do take care of logistical needs such as wanting someone from the same city or someone who speaks the same language), but that’s really where it ends.
So, if you are a Mesha rashi Ashwini Nakshatra Vadagala Iyengar from Hassan who wants to do maDi mylage and want one of your kind, go check in your pakkad mane and not at Marriage Broker Auntie! Kthnxbai!