My friend is throwing a birthday bash for her two boys this Sunday which happens to be on the same day as her birthday. In conversation, she mentioned how relieved her husband was to organise their sons’ birthday party on her birthday because this meant that he wouldn’t have to worry about doing anything special for her on this day.
Now, this is the story of most couples’ lives (well, if you’re an exception, good for you and I don’t need to hear about it). All men start off by impressing the girlfriend/ to be wife at the start of the courting period and this sets false expectations of how the relationship would evolve over time because women are naive enough to believe there’s some correlation between the courting phase and the long term average life.
But the truth is – married life is like a huge scoop of vanilla ice cream with a few occasional pieces of nuts or caramel. We might imagine it to be butterscotch or bubblegum but in reality, it’s VANILLA which means most conversations between a couple revolve around grocery lists, paying bills and trying really hard to make exciting weekend plans in vain (the occasional nuts I told you about!).
Having said that, there are several sparsely spaced moments, conversations, etc. that are absolutely surreal and make you realise why a couple chose to come together in the first place, but mind you, these are best enjoyed occasionally. If someone tells you otherwise, don’t trust them. They’re probably trying to live a social media friendly life that’s surely neither real nor sustainable.
Recently, I met a guy who makes for a great long term partner – very sincere, honest and pragmatic. He sees no need to set false expectations at the start of a relationship, but I told him that it might not work for him in the marriage market simply because women are spoilt by rom-coms.
Imagine if Harry in Harry met Sally said “I just realised there’s a super cheap grocery store at the end of my street you could shop at and so we should move in together” instead of “I came here tonight because when you realise you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible”, would your heart melt just as much? No, no freaking way. Women love drama as much as men like to scratch their balls, so give them drama, at least occasionally. That’s the short cut to a woman’s heart, I tell you.
My advice to fake charm, dreaminess and drama during subsequent meets with prospects, perplexed this boy (well, it perplexed me too) but I convinced him (and myself) with the argument that most women are happier to comply with societal norms of wives cribbing about husbands whose attitudes have changed post marriage. Just acknowledging this one fact could open up a huge pool of women for this guy.
This relates to my earlier blogpost where I try to rationalise the fact that women have a tendency to adjust, settle, etc. and hence, they will deal with a change in behaviour, even grudgingly. When we crib about our husbands changing after marriage, we are often comforted by the fact that we’re not alone in feeling this way. This gives us a sense of security simply because when women go down, they prefer to go down together.