One of my clients who hasn’t been in a real relationship yet told me that he has improved himself quite a bit through his several one-sided relationships. This is the same sort of enthusiasm I have heard from job changers who are going through several interviews without landing a job. Failure is like that – it teaches us.
Things come by very easily for some people, and they almost never learn how to get things that don’t swing by their way. So, in that sense, people who have done nothing but try to get things that they can’t get, are better equipped to getting things in life than the ones who get it with little effort.
Relationships (one-sided or not) give people an opportunity to discover a new side to them through their association with new people. If you are lusting on a nerd, you might just have a chance to (re)discover your nerdy self. If you are an introvert crushing after a party animal, you might discover the social animal in you. In one-sided relationships, the crusher usually tends to mimic the crushee in order to get attention. In the process, the crusher may become a better version of themselves.
So my client got hooked to reading in an attempt to impress his well-read crush only to rediscover the bookworm in him. Being more well-read has two benefits. Firstly, he’s discovered a new hobby (or rekindled an old one) because he genuinely enjoys reading and discussing his ideas with the girl he briefly crushed. Secondly, he’s pretty well equipped to impress the next well-read person he meets (which seems to be his type) and he needn’t try as hard. This new found ability to converse with bookworms is yet another feather in his cap of several other talents making him a better person.
So, in our entire lifetimes, imagine if we admired/ lusted a large variety of people and somehow strived to be better people, we may not only have the chance to discover ourselves fully, we might even manage to master a few of our abilities which go hidden most of the time.
It makes me wonder if someone liking us back for who we exactly are is just a little bit too overrated and instead, if we must embark on more journeys of self-discovery through one-sided relationships?