Men being picky
One of my early claims to fame as a matchmaker was that my database had far more women than men. Naturally, you would think that I’d enough and more women to set up all the men in my database. On the contrary, I found that men were being more picky than women. I didn’t quite understand this phenomenon until recently when I accompanied my husband to shop for a leather jacket.
Turns out that unless you are big time into leather jackets, it’s usually a once in a lifetime purchase. Hence, he was willing to walk the length and breadth of Barcelona to find himself the perfect one. This meant that he would not settle because he strongly believed that there exists a jacket in this world that would melt his heart the moment he saw it.
While not wanting to settle is a good thing, knowing your limits can help optimise (for time, effort, money, etc). Now, if I compared this to the marriage market, being pricey is more expensive for men as it’s a two-sided market unlike in the case of picking a jacket. So, may be, too few women on a dating app isn’t a problem after all?
Being a woman myself, I can’t help but evaluate men from a woman’s perspective. Sometimes, it makes me sad to see men throw away gorgeous women simply because these women don’t melt their hearts. Unfortunately, most men optimise for looks or vibe or whatever that arouses them, but this is such a short lived and a useless thing to optimise for.
There is high variance in men’s ability to learn from failure. As a result, sometimes, some men have a false sense of entitlement that they can get any woman they like. Women on the other hand, no matter how successful, always see challenges and failures right from the time they are born – be it having to think 20 million times if they’d get raped on the way home or even something as simple as wearing what they want. So, self-doubt and vulnerability become their best friends. As an offshoot, women are usually less confident, and settle much more than men do.
If a woman likes a man, there’s a good chance she “settled” for him. She’s probably doing the guy a favour and not the other way around. Funnily, this is also the beginning of all compromises she’s going to make for the man. If the man can’t see that, likely he’s going to spend a very very long time looking for that elusive perfect leather jacket, that probably doesn’t even exist.
A few years ago, some guy told me that a woman is only a square root of a man. In that case, is his woman only imaginary if the guy is a -1?