Men being picky
One of my early claims to fame as a matchmaker was that my database had far more women than men. Naturally, you would think that I’d enough and more women to set up all the men in my database. On the contrary, I found that men were being more picky than women. I didn’t quite understand this phenomenon until recently when I accompanied my husband to shop for a leather jacket.
Turns out that unless you are big time into leather jackets, it’s usually a once in a lifetime type purchase. Hence, he was willing to walk the length and breadth of Barcelona to find himself the perfect one. This meant that he would not settle because he strongly believes that there exists a jacket in this world that would melt his heart the moment he saw it.
While not wanting to settle is a good thing, knowing your limits can help optimise (for time, effort, money, etc). Now, if I compared this to the long term dating/ marriage market, being pricey is more expensive for men as it’s a two-sided market unlike in case of picking a jacket. So, may be, too few women on a dating app isn’t a problem after all?
Being a woman myself, I can’t help but evaluate men from a woman’s perspective. Sometimes, it makes me sad to see men throw away gorgeous women simply because these women don’t melt their hearts. Unfortunately, most men optimise for looks or vibe or whatever that arouses them, but this is such a short lived and a useless thing to optimise for.
There is high variance in men’s ability to learn from failure. As a result, sometimes, some men have a false sense of affirmation that they can get any woman they like. Women on the other hand, no matter how successful, always see challenges and failures right from the time they are born – be it having to think 20 million times if we’d get raped on the way home or even something as simple as wearing what they want. So, self-doubt and vulnerability become our best friends. As an offshoot of this, we are less confident of having things happen our way.
Several such experiences teaches us humility and hence, we settle much more than men do. Yes, we settle for what we can have. So, if you are a man and a woman likes you, most likely she settled for you. She’s doing you a favour and not the other way around. Also, this is just the beginning of all compromises she’s going to make for you. If you can’t see or value that, too bad that you’ll have to spend the rest of your life looking for that sexy leather jacket which may not even exist!
About 7-8 years ago, some guy told me that a woman is only a square root of a man. In that case, is his woman only imaginary if the guy is a -1?