Are we modern lovers yet?
In today’s modern era of shared economy, what used to be unthinkable a few years ago (sharing cab rides with strangers, sleeping on a stranger’s bed and so on) is commonplace today. Similarly, the concept of monogamy has started losing relevance in modern societies as we embrace YOLO and FOMO and what not. Given that we’re forging towards modern ways of loving, shouldn’t cliched roles of men and women in a romantic relationship also be outdated?
You’d be surprised to know that our expectations of genders hasn’t evolved as much.
Earlier this evening, I was chatting with a girlfriend who wondered if she could apply the same rigour of finding that perfect job to that of finding a perfect partner, to which I nonchalantly responded “Yes, why not”. She was worried that she’d be perceived as too forthcoming for a woman if she initiated every single conversation. Having been someone who has always chosen to go get what I’ve wanted on my own, I didn’t see the value in sitting around and waiting.
Of course, one would have to draw the line between being interested and desperate and that’s one goddamn hard line to draw. Having said that, there’s no good way to be able to draw that line well without some practice (apart from following Wikihow’s approach on this). Given that there’s no returns without risk, let’s not even argue about the rationale for practice.
While I thought that this girl might be overthinking, I was confident that men would more than welcome a woman taking the initiative and it could even be hot sometimes. So, I just advised her to follow her instincts. In this case, I knew the guy in question to be someone who I’d otherwise consider as being quite progressive.
However, only minutes later, as I continued this conversation with the guy, I discovered that he’d be cautious if a woman, that too a great one, wanted to pursue him on her own and not wait for it to be the other way around. Why? Because this seems like a market for lemons. And what shapes his assumption? It’s the cliched relationship protocol that’s been painted by our societies for eons now.
While there’s a place for equality in the workforce, we are not yet ready to embrace a woman making the first move without an element of caution. So, we’re not really modern lovers yet, are we?
But sometimes, there are other reasons for men to get intimidated by women who ask them out. If these men are relationship virgins, for instance. They could benefit from some confidence boosting that they’re actually worth being pursued. One of the ways to get this sort of assurance is probably to get on apps like Bumble, that make modern women lovers seem normal.
Now, the problem with Bumble is that more often than not, women misuse this power by raising expectations of single men who are genuinely ready to meet these liberal thinking modern women, by not pursuing a chase that they appear to initiate.