Shopping and partner search
Like a Christmas dress is to a girl, a pair of everyday-strapped leather sandals is for a guy – a very crucial purchase. But there is a stark difference between the two – a girl is never going to wear her Christmas dress for another party, while the guy wears his sandals everyday. Then, what connects the two? Both purchases take a lot of time and analysis.
I am about to dissect this subject using a rather strange analogy.
Off late, a lot of my friends are struggling to find themselves a match in the arranged marriage market. If there are so many of them out there, why haven’t they just found each other and exit the market? I realise that most girls have a long list of requirements that a potential groom needs to fulfil. Almost none of the points on this list are negotiable, which is perfectly all right. But, the problem really is with what goes into this list.
The list is very complex.
- The guy has to look great, but not great enough to attract unwanted attention.
- The guy must be social but not social enough that he prefers to hang out more with his boys than the girl itself.
- The guy must have a really high paying job but somehow must also magically make time for the girl always.
- The guy must know how to treat a woman well, but not all women, mind you. Just this one.
Women want a picture perfect guy who will make for a fantastic wedding photo and for much awe amongst her family and friends. They optimise for the wedding day.
The girl has a crazy idea in her head about how her Christmas dress must look even though eventually it never really turns out the way she planned. She doesn’t care about the cloth shrinking after one wash or tearing apart after one wear. She’ll love it as long as it fits and looks absolutely gorgeous on her because she’s really only thinking about the Christmas party.
When the cloth shrinks or loses colour, that’s when she realises how short-sighted she was while picking the dress, but then it’s too late with too many compromises lying ahead of her. In this case, it doesn’t matter. But, when it comes to choosing a life partner, women are missing the point. It’s not just a wedding; it’s a marriage of several years that lie ahead of them. Now, I am not sure if I have gone a little overboard trying to make it sound a little more ridiculous than it actually is, but that’s how things stand today.
On the other hand, guys are fairly simple (of course there are outliers). They care about some basic things like looks, attitude, trust and family values. That’s it. No kidding. This is what matters to them at the start and through the end. They realise that they have to live with this through their married lives and that’s what makes the search a tad bit more practical that of the girls’.
This is just like picking up a pair of floaters for everyday wear. They know they have to live with it. So they will only pick up the ones that they’re comfortable wearing everyday. They may only care about the face they wake up to every morning, but that’s how simple it is.
Given the complex criteria, most women end up making compromises when they choose a partner. But, as it goes with a dress, the girl will buy it (life partner) and have it altered the way it suits her. But when was the last time you met a guy who gets his chappals altered? No, guys don’t do that. They just buy what they like and live with it without much complaining. Chappals get tattered with wear and they know that.
There’s little intersection in the ways that men and women think about partner search, yet somewhere when the outliers meet, there’s a match.