A common household pre-marriage dialogue that I am absolutely aversed to is “madhve aagi hodmele, hudgiru, yaavatthu bere manevre”. I always liked to believe this is not true. My world seems to be crumbling around me now that I see that line becoming a reality in life.
I began to analyse what it is that changes after getting married and here are the results of my crude analysis- You’d be lucky as hell to marry someone who shares your ideologies, but unfortunately opposites attract and usually end end up with someone who doesn’t even watch the same TV shows as you, let alone loving your family the way you do!
If you and your spouse have very different ideologies about very basic things like mortals, immortals and their connect, it would be hard to get them to understand what ticks for you and what doesn’t. When this fails, there is no rationale in expecting each to care for the others’ feelings. Whenever there is an issue with your spouse and your family and either of them is rude to the other, you end up taking sides. More often than not, you’d simply take your spouse’s side simply because you live with them and the last thing you want is spending your energy in stabilizing your life at home. This is irrespective of whether you think they are right or wrong.
This will obviously distance you from your family for two primary reasons; One is that you picked wrong and the other because you picked someone else over them. But, your family would never judge you or hold this against you. So are you wondering how this would distance you from them? Its because you are so guilty for having chosen someone who can’t love what you love and it’s because you dont want to put them through more pain. It’s also because, even if you moved away from your family, they’d still be with you. Unlike in case of your spouse.
Strangely, your spouse is always just your spouse and not family until you jointly co-procreate. Until then your parents and siblings (assuming they’re still unmarried) is your only family.