How marriages dissect families

Published by Priyanka on

A common household pre-marriage dialogue that I am absolutely loathed growing up was “madhve aagi hodmele, hudgiru, yaavatthu bere manevre” (translates to “once a girl gets married, she belongs to another family and no longer to her own”). I always liked to believe this is not true. My world seems to be crumbling around me now that I see that line becoming a reality in life.

I began to analyse what it is that changes after getting married and here are the results of my crude analysis- you’d be lucky as hell to marry someone who shares your ideologies, but unfortunately opposites attract and usually end end up with someone who doesn’t even watch the same TV shows as you, let alone loving your family the way you do.

If you and your spouse have very different ideologies about very basic things like mortals, immortals and how they’re connected, it would be hard to get them to understand what ticks for you and what doesn’t. When this fails, there is no rationale in expecting each to care for the others’ feelings. Whenever there is an issue with your spouse and your family and either of them is rude to the other, you end up taking sides. More often than not, you would take your spouse’s side simply because you live with them because the last thing you want is spending your energy in stabilising your life at home. This is irrespective of whether you think they are right or wrong.

This will obviously distances you from your family for two primary reasons. One is that you picked wrong and the other because you picked someone else over your original family. But, your family would never judge you or hold this against you. So are you wondering how this would distance you from them? It’s because you are so guilty for having chosen someone who can’t love what you love and it’s because you don’t want to put them through more pain. It’s also because, even if you moved away from your family, they’d still be with you. Unlike in case of your spouse.

Strangely, your spouse is always just your spouse and not family until you procreate. Until then your parents and siblings (assuming they’re still unmarried) is your only family.

Update (2021): Ten years into being married, I cannot relate to this any longer because I’ve evolved as a person, and so has my marriage and my relationship with my family. In retrospect, I can say that it takes time to be able to balance the various relationships in your life but it’s always quite overwhelming in the beginning.